December 6, 2019.
I know its a little earlier than the March date that I anticipated checking this blog next but a LOT has happened since then.
The woman that I thought was the love of my life annihilated my heart. She broke up with me and I spiraled out of control completely. I am not good at coping, I have never fostered healthy coping mechanisms. I have in the past, resorted to self harm and eating disorders.
I moved out of her house into an apartment with an old coworker. I starting drinking every weekend and smoking and sleeping too much or not enough, I ate too much or not at all, I moped and cried and drove recklessly and hoped I would maybe die without it being too much of an inconvenience. I considered pills or driving into a tree without wearing my seatbelt or jumping off a building. But I have a fear of not being able to complete my death and being left in an even worse state than I was in previously.
But I have finally started getting some hope. There is a light at the end of this dark as hell tunnel. She has blue eyes and a bright laugh and I'm feeling like I'm not alone.
Friday, December 6, 2019
Saturday, May 4, 2019
Coincidences
Wow.
I'm not sure why; but, I had a very strong urge to check this blog and I found out that it has been an entire year since my last post. I cannot believe it. So much has changed in the time since I typed up the post about wanting to put in the effort to be more positive. I think I succeeded, for the most part.
I talked about how I had no regrets because my life choices up to that point had led me to meet the girl I was current dating and now, we are living together. I still have no regrets.
I recently dropped out of my community college Communications program to instead pursue certification as an EMT and I just got certified last month. I have yet to leave my desk job in an office but I am setting goals and working towards my dreams.
I am such a different person that I once was; unmotivated, depressed and undisciplined. Of course, I still have my lazy days and I cannot always bear to drag myself away from the couch and a binge session of a show I've seen on Netflix 50 times but that is neither here nor there. I am doing my best to get where I want to be in life and reach my goals.
Let's see where I end up on March 4th, 2020.
I'm not sure why; but, I had a very strong urge to check this blog and I found out that it has been an entire year since my last post. I cannot believe it. So much has changed in the time since I typed up the post about wanting to put in the effort to be more positive. I think I succeeded, for the most part.
I talked about how I had no regrets because my life choices up to that point had led me to meet the girl I was current dating and now, we are living together. I still have no regrets.
I recently dropped out of my community college Communications program to instead pursue certification as an EMT and I just got certified last month. I have yet to leave my desk job in an office but I am setting goals and working towards my dreams.
I am such a different person that I once was; unmotivated, depressed and undisciplined. Of course, I still have my lazy days and I cannot always bear to drag myself away from the couch and a binge session of a show I've seen on Netflix 50 times but that is neither here nor there. I am doing my best to get where I want to be in life and reach my goals.
Let's see where I end up on March 4th, 2020.
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