December 6, 2019.
I know its a little earlier than the March date that I anticipated checking this blog next but a LOT has happened since then.
The woman that I thought was the love of my life annihilated my heart. She broke up with me and I spiraled out of control completely. I am not good at coping, I have never fostered healthy coping mechanisms. I have in the past, resorted to self harm and eating disorders.
I moved out of her house into an apartment with an old coworker. I starting drinking every weekend and smoking and sleeping too much or not enough, I ate too much or not at all, I moped and cried and drove recklessly and hoped I would maybe die without it being too much of an inconvenience. I considered pills or driving into a tree without wearing my seatbelt or jumping off a building. But I have a fear of not being able to complete my death and being left in an even worse state than I was in previously.
But I have finally started getting some hope. There is a light at the end of this dark as hell tunnel. She has blue eyes and a bright laugh and I'm feeling like I'm not alone.
