So, apparently, the last time I posted anything on this blog was on January 4, 2017. Wow.

My goal was to rock my New Year's Resolutions. To become the best version of me possible. I ended the post with: "I am going to be responsible". That was a lie. I was not responsible and I really did not improve anything about myself in 2017. I maintained my usual personality and was careless, reckless and I spiraled out of control near the end.

My mother's pancreas failed in October. She had a pancreas transplant when I was in fourth grade and it lasted about thirteen years but then it stopped regulating her insulin appropriately. In fact, she was taken to the hospital with her sugar levels somewhere above 900. If you know nothing about blood glucose levels, a normal reading is 80-120. Because of the dangers of her sugar levels falling and rising drastically and dangerously, she is planning on moving out to California to live with my grandparents because we don't have any other family around her to really keep an eye on her and I cannot move back in with her. Not because I don't care about her; but because I need to live my own life. I need to be my own person.

The stress of 2017 did not disappear on January 1st of 2018. In fact, I am probably more stressed. So much so that I have been launched into a spiral of depression naps and the unnerving numbness of apathy almost all the time.

I'm trying to be realistic with my goals; but honestly, I don't have any.