Directionless

07.25.2020

I think that, in order to have "purpose" in my life, I need to have goals. I need to have a direction to run head first in. I crave something to look forward to. Without it, I am just floating through the days mindlessly. I am repeating the same day over and over and over again and it is driving me insane. It is making me feel empty. I want something to work for. I'm at a crossroads now and I am trying to decide on what direction I want to go in.

Do I take a class? Do I get my Medical Assistant certificate? I'm a GI Technician now and that is sort of similar, so it could be beneficial to get that certification. Should I get involved in a sport? I've been considering getting into boxing, or jiu jitsu, or rock climbing. Something physical that would make me feel better about myself and also get me up and moving. Something to get better at.

I've had a path to follow for so long. Moving, then moving again, then getting a new job. It all distracted me from boredom and kept me going. But now I'm going to work everyday to a job that is much easier than I anticipated. I am exhausted from work every day but part of me wonders if that is because I don't have anything to do after work. I just lay down on the couch and veg until I fall asleep and nap for an hour and a half.

I don't know what to get involved in. But the place to start is to research different things. I don't have a lot of money right now. Not until I get up and going with the pay at my new job, so I need to find something that is not too expensive for the moment. Or, at least, not too long standing. If I only have to make a one time large payment for a class, that may be doable.